A Guide to Cleaning for Stay-at-Home Moms

guide, cleaning, moms, humor, funny, mom life

This is a guide to cleaning for Stay-at-Home Moms. This is to a how-to keep your house clean on a daily basis. Or not. This is everything you need to know about “cleaning” you home while you are keeping tiny humans alive. Or not. I hope you’re ready to laugh. Or cry. It all depends on how your day is going. Enjoy!

Morning Cleaning

  • Round up all the dirty dishes from around the house and dump them into the sink.
  • Gather all the dirty laundry that seems to have missed the hamper and shove it into the laundry room.
  • Begin rinsing dishes and filling your dishwasher to the brim.
  • Upon finishing, realize that 50 more dirty dishes seem to have materialized around you.
  • Dump them into the sink and walk away.
  • Begin to tackle the never-ending mountain of laundry. Throw the first load (of many) into the washing machine.
  • Return to the family room to find your children have pulled out every toy and spread them across every square inch of space.
  • Begin picking up the toys, while your children continue to destroy everything around you.
  • Discover a “lost” sippy cup, complete with some sort of fossilized liquid inside.
  • Gag!
  • Debate throwing the cup into the garbage.
  • Realize that sippy cups are freakin’ expensive, and resolve yourself to the task of scrubbing out its contents.
  • Wash gag-worthy cup and all other accumulated dishes by hand, since the dishwasher is already full.
  • Switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and start another load.
  • Return to family room to find children tap dancing on spilled snack foods and spreading crumbs as far as the eye can see.
  • Wade through the crumbs with the vacuum, and proceed to suck up all the crumbs before ants the size of barn cats take over your house.
  • Go to empty the vacuum into the garbage, only to find your pet has spilled the nearly over-flowing garbage and spread it throughout the room.
  • Sweep up and re-bag the garbage.
  • After cleaning up that mess, eye the clock, and wonder if it is too early for a glass of wine.


Afternoon Cleaning

  • Prepare lunch for your children.
  • After they finish, whisk them away for nap time
  • Return to the kitchen and wonder how making a couple of lunches produced such a mess.
  • Sigh, and just walk away.
  • Empty the dryer into a laundry basket.
  • Switch the load from the washer into the dryer.
  • Cram as much clothing as physically possible into the washing machine because you are tired of laundry and just want it done already.
  • Return to the kitchen to tackle the lunch mess.
  • Hear a god-awful thumping and banging coming from the laundry room.
  • Rush in, and rearrange the wet clothes to try and balance the washing machine before it bangs through the wall of the house.
  • Finish the mess in the kitchen, just in time for the kids to wake up hungry again.
  • Prepare snacks.
  • Begin folding clean laundry.
  • Panic as child spills juice on everything.
  • Promptly clean up the juice spill.
  • Realize children have been occupying themselves by dumping and throwing around the clothes you JUST finished folding.
  • Throw the clothing back into the laundry basket, unfolded, and kick the basket aside to ignore.


Evening Cleaning

  • Begin preparing dinner.
  • Spill and drop everything because you are constantly having to yell at misbehaving children over your shoulder.
  • Go to round up family for dinner, and realize that the toys are knee deep in the family room again.
  • Ignore the mess, and go eat. Or more accurately, argue with your children about eating their meals until your food is ice cold, and then eat.
  • Switch loads of laundry again.
  • Bathe, and get children ready for bed time.
  • Repeatedly restart the dryer in order to avoid having to fold laundry (because you still have two loads sitting there unfolded.)
  • Empty the dishwasher.
  • Finish cleaning up the dinner mess, rinse dishes, and reload the dishwasher.
  • Fall into bed exhausted and wonder why nothing on your list got done.
  • Decide tomorrow is another day.
  • Say “screw it!” and fall fast asleep.
  • Repeat daily until insane.

Remember moms, you are doing an awesome job. Mommin’ ain’t easy. Just do what you can, and some day it will get easier (I hope!)

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About Lisa Wingerter

I'm a 32 year old, married, stay-at-home-mom from the Metro Detroit area

View all posts by Lisa Wingerter →

18 Comments on “A Guide to Cleaning for Stay-at-Home Moms”

  1. Very entertaining! My youngest is 14 now, but I remember those days very well! And my husband is probably about the messiest, so my house is never overly clean. I decided long ago not to let it bother me so much! Thank you for sharing this humorous account!

  2. LOL! This is my day. Or it was before I gave up . I still do the dishes (almost) everyday, but everything else is now on a weekly or as needed basis. Great post!

    1. Ha! I’m with you! I use to keep a rigorous schedule when I had 2 kids, but after the third one came, I’m just happy many of my “weekly” tasks get done once/month!

  3. LOL this is hilarious. And so true! Especially restarting the dryer because I just can’t sometimes. Will def share this with my mom friends =).

  4. I came in looking for advise…. this was way better! Thanks! “Cram as much clothing as physically possible into the washing machine because you are tired of laundry and just want it done already!!“ LOL!!!

  5. This got me cracking up and tearing up so hard I wonder what my neighbour would be thinking lol. Ohmigod, I’m not a mom yet but you nailed this to the T! Oh boy, just sleep it off and start all over the next day! Great post. I love it!

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